Men dealing with loneliness

Lane Goodwin is an advocate for men’s issues. In particular he celebrates men’s masculinity; in a world where woman are becoming more masculine and men are becoming more feminine.

In this article, Lane claims “loneliness is a luxury” and ponders the 6 most important benefits of dealing with loneliness:

All men’s misfortunes spring from their hatred of being alone.
-Jean de la Bruyere

Being able to deal with loneliness is a crucial life skill for men.

It’s a skill that has to be built because it doesn’t come naturally. Humans are evolved to live in tribes. Isolation usually meant death during the times we lived in caves. This is why we are evolved to be terrified of loneliness.

But, we no longer live in caves and the world now is a safer place. Modern life came with its own costs. Loneliness is the by-product of modern life because we no longer need the company of other people for survival. If you have money in your pocket, you will survive.

Our brains didn’t evolve enough to deal with this newfound loneliness. In fact, it’s a luxury only modern men can enjoy. We are just not aware that it’s a luxury.

You don’t even need to be successful in order to survive in the modern world. Your basic needs are almost guaranteed to be taken care of. But, mere survival shouldn’t be a man’s goal. Any schlub can do that. You want to be a success. If you can’t deal with loneliness without resorting to watching porn, drinking alcohol, binge eating or watching TV, you don’t stand a chance to be a successful man in the modern world.

Like any other rewarding skill, the ability to deal with loneliness doesn’t come easily. You must build it.

Note that being able to deal with loneliness doesn’t mean you need to be alone all the time. Social skills are necessary too but that’s the subject of another article. Ironically, being able to deal with loneliness will help you sharpen your social skills too.

Here are the most important benefits of being able to deal with loneliness:

1) You Can Deal with Boredom

When you are alone, you will be bored. This happens because you are a boring person. We all are. No man in the world is interesting enough to be able to entertain himself all the time.

Being able to deal with boredom without resorting to watching porn, drinking alcohol, binge eating or watching TV will enable you to engage in rewarding activities such as reading books, strength training, learning to play an instrument, writing, or acquiring another valuable skill.

his book How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big, Dilbert creator Scott Adams explains how every skill you acquire doubles your odds to succeed.

Valuable skills come with a lot of boring repetition and most of the time you will be lonely. If you have the ability to embrace it, you will succeed in life.

2) You Can Build a Business from Scratch

Building a business is the only way to make enough money to be free. It’s a law of economics that workers get survival wages. It’s actually so bad that governments need to force entrepreneurs to pay a minimum wage that’s higher than the equilibrium wage dictated by free market dynamics.

Economics
Labor market and how worker wage is determined

Jobs suck. If you are working for someone else, it’s nearly impossible to make enough money to be free. You need to be a well-known athlete, a world-class artist or a Fortune 500 company CEO. The chances are slim that you will make it.

Fortunately, there’s a better way: Building a business.

Building a business is not easy. You’ll need to deal with a lot of loneliness. Most of the steps are tedious, boring and hard.

If you can’t deal with loneliness and have to resort to drinking, porn, TV or socializing, you’ll never build a profitable business.

3) You Can Live Anywhere in The World

The world is a fascinating place. In our times, travel is cheap. So, it doesn’t make sense to be stuck in a place just because you were born there.

Travel opens your eyes and broadens your horizons like nothing else. It’s impossible to be born in a place that has it all. Travel is a must for every man.

Nonetheless, you will not always be able to find a person to travel with you. Traveling alone is actually more beneficial to a man than traveling with a partner. I’ve been living in South East Asia for the last 3 years and it’s disheartening to see western men with short-haired, fat wives when the local women are thinner, more feminine and sweeter.

Travel is great and greener pastures do exist. However, travel comes with a lot of loneliness. When I came to the city I’m currently living in, I didn’t know anybody here. I had to build relationships from scratch. All these things are extremely rewarding but like all rewarding things, they need you to be out of your comfort zone.

If you can deal with loneliness, you can live anywhere in the world.

4) You Will Not Be Needy

Everybody resents needy people. Even your family will secretly resent you if you are needy. If you can’t deal with loneliness and constantly need other people to live, you will inevitably be needy. Neediness will repel people and you will end up even more lonely.

If you are terrified of loneliness, you will also put up with a lot of crap from your girlfriend or wife. You will appease her with the fear that she will leave you. This will cause her to lose respect for you. On the other hand, if you are not afraid of loneliness, you will not put up with her bullshit. If she leaves, she leaves. You are already comfortable in your own skin. You don’t need to appease anybody.

Most men are stuck in bad relationships because they are afraid to be lonely. Additionally, most men get married to sub-par women because they are scared to be the lonely old man.

The fear of being ostracized is another problem related to the fear of loneliness. In the old times, you would die if you were ostracized from your tribe. So, on evolutionary terms, fear of ostracization makes sense. But we don’t live in the old world anymore. You can survive anywhere in the world without a tribe, provided that you have enough money. The fear of ostracization makes men wimpy. They can’t speak their minds which is detrimental to a man’s character. This site is not a politically correct website. All my friends, family and girlfriend know about my website. That doesn’t stop me from speaking my mind because this is who I am and I write what I believe. If anybody doesn’t like my ideas, they can leave.

The ability to deal with loneliness will also allow you to have higher standards for the people that you welcome in your life. If someone is below my standards (which most men are), I don’t befriend him. I only have a few select friends and I’m happier this way. If a girl is not pretty, feminine, and sweet enough, I will not grant her a girlfriend status. Low-quality women are not worth a relationship. A lot of men go into relationships with mediocre or sub-par women because they think it’s better than being alone. It’s not.

5) Your Options for Leisure Increase

How many times did you want to go out to watch a movie but you didn’t, because you didn’t have anybody to go with? How many times did you eat at home because you didn’t have anybody to accompany you to eat lunch out? How many times did you spend your entire vacation at home because you didn’t have anyone available to spend a vacation with you? How many times you didn’t go to a club to pick up girls because you didn’t have friends to go with you?

If you can do all of these activities alone, your options to spend your leisure time will dramatically increase. People are afraid to go out alone because they fear to be perceived as a loser who doesn’t have any friends or a girlfriend to go out with. The reality is, even if you have a lot of friends or a girlfriend, there will be times they will be busy. I have friends and a girlfriend but I often go out alone. I don’t need to wait for other people to be available for doing the things I want to do.

6) Being Able to Deal with Loneliness is Masculine

The ability to deal with loneliness is the true male privilege. We have a y-chromosome which makes it easier for us to adapt to new circumstances.

Women are not meant to be alone. Due to their biology, they need support systems to survive. This is why they put up with backstabbing friends, go out with people they secretly hate and stay in abusive relationships. We can’t blame women for this because it’s how their nature is built.

Men have no excuse. We can walk away from almost everything without losing anything worthwhile. There is nothing more important to a man than his dignity. The ability to deal with loneliness will greatly help you to preserve your dignity. If you can deal with loneliness, you will not need to stay in abusive or sub-standard relationships. It’s better to be alone than put up with backstabbing, drama, and abuse.

The ability to deal with loneliness is masculine and masculinity always wins.

Source: Lane Goodwin

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