So the dust is finally settling on your long-term relationship bust-up. Suddenly, you are a man with a lot of time on your hands.
After separating from a woman, it quickly dawns on you how much time and energy a relationship can take. In the good times you do not register the irrational noise and mental games inflicted upon you from that cute, perfectly formed package of a woman that you were once infatuated with.
Living with a woman is challenging. Even simple day-to-day tasks that should be stress-free are manipulated by a woman into a major time-consuming shit-storm.
Take meal times as an example. When a woman raises the question about eating together, you will be required to drop everything and enter into a drawn out dialogue of what-ifs. In her mind the prospect of eating has an endless matrix of options that all need debate. Generally your input is not required to any great extent; appearing to be fixated and nodding at the correct moment while being ‘talked at’ is all that is required.
Unfortunately, from time-to-time your opinion will be demanded from her loaded question: ‘what shall we do for dinner?’ Most times you will answer …. ‘dunno’, ‘don’t care’ or ‘up to you’. This can lead to all sorts of repercussions depending upon her hunger, state of fatigue and ambient temperature. Inevitably you have fallen into a trap and are now going to have to endure an elongated hectoring session about your lack of empathy and feelings. While you mean no malice and genuinely do not mind what you do for dinner; your non-committal response will be taken in all sorts of irrational ways.
Alternatively if you dare suggest any inkling of where, what and when it may be appropriate for dining together ; your response will inevitably be wrong as she more than likely already knows the correct answer for you both. Your inability to second guess the correct response will trigger a familiar elongated hectoring session that will include her reciting a shopping list your historical failures.
OK, so you get the picture! She exits you life and suddenly the noise stops. You are amazed how much time you have on your hands in the absence of needless circular dialogue and drama. At first you enjoy the silence and marvel at the spare time you can now devote to productivity. But soon loneliness kicks in and this is when you are the most vulnerable!
So what is the biggest mistake after a mid-life break-up?
It is making a commitment with another woman too soon!
My respectful advice is: DON’T!!I understand that you have probably had years of hectoring, gaslighting and lack of support from an increasingly ungrateful (and expanding) ex-wife. Suddenly at a weak moment you are confronted with another woman that ‘is not like the others’. She will be kind, say nice things about you and be empathetic. And then there is the sex …. and plenty of it! Your ego is being massaged and you are starting to feel good about yourself again.
Yes, by all means enjoy. But remain cool and bide your time. Make it clear from the start that you will not commit and hope that this new found attraction will not have any bunny boiling tendencies.
You have probably been pussy-whipped for most of your life – Now is the time to take control, bide your time and enjoy your life!